she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
