i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
