I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
