I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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