thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
