dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize