I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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