We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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