The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
