I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
