You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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