saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
