just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
