Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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