Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
