When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
