Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
