1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
