he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
