i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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