party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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