It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
