Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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