so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
