no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
