Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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