U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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