question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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