You just made me feel so damn special
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
