Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i would punch a child for taco bell
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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