i just had sex bonerless
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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