Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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