lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize