she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
