you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
