I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
