i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
