First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
