i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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