forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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