I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
