Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
