just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
