Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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