My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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