why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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