oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
