I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
