im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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