I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
