Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
