I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
where are you?
Hypothermia
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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