do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
