I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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