So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
