the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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