so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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