Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
