im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
