Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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