She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Sext me about skeletons
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
