Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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