Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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