? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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