im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize