i'm signing you up for texting rehab
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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