I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
40s are totally the cure
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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