I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
