You don't have asthma, your pregnant
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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