Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
