Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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