i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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