My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
